Saturday, July 16, 2011

the diary pages..

Am I the one you looking for?
I ask this question to myself everyday, at night, in my dreams. Strange, I feel. At times all I see is a lamina coating my body, my language, my likes, dislikes, my sensitivity and these are the times I am most reluctant about.
Sadly these moments are not short, or infrequent and I call them the time of life, very bluntly.
When my mind finds me alone, without any sheet coverage, it pats me on the back shocking me all at a once. We talk like old pals, for hours without asking for a pause but my nights are not too long. In our light dialogues, somehow at the end, it asks me this very queer question.
What then?
In the valley of hypocrisy, the adhesive glued dissolves and there I am, hungrily scrutinizing everything I come across, hoping to find the reflections. I believe in the concept of blind faith, maybe that’s why I am losing to the infinite.
In the hushed tones, you can’t even hear the music of your heart, irony! you are long impaired hearing. This search is insanely dreadful, knowing I don’t even know what I am really looking for.
An empty silhouette, a lone shadow, a bizarre question and a quest, will these serve my purpose?

All this is making me vulnerable, but atleast I am out.

Just because I am losing, does not mean I am lost. I will find everything one day- back, blind faith you know.

2 comments:

Blasphemous Aesthete said...

I've had conversations with friends when I lay underneath the blanket of the sky at nights, and all the while I am lost in the soulful conversations and I feel like scribbling them down as souvenirs, they're gone. The thoughts, I mean.

Nice post.

Cheers,
Blasphemous Aesthete

Susie Swanson said...

Those conversations are real and I love yours.. Susie