Friday, August 19, 2011

the diary pages..( just a part, if you must know)

I like speaking to myself. Speaking loud and not talking concealed. I don’t stay with people much, though I like them. Especially when they talk too fast and too slow. Both times, there is much to say, and to listen. I feel distressed when they pause. When made to pause. I want to make them believe I understand them. My eyes speak too.
I don’t like bright lights. Dim twilight and simple dark, that’s me. Lights make time flow , like streams, like a tornado. Time needs to be tamed. It needs a helping hand. Darkness holds its haste. I like dark.
I like sitting and staring blankly. I don’t think anything at that time, if you must know. I lie straight, rest I don’t know. I babble too, sometimes, when there is somebody around. No, not for attention, not deliberately. It just happens. What I say, is utterly meaningless. It gives me a hard time, explaining later.
I don’t like when people talk about me. I get no words. It’s like nailing my body to a wall. And if I ask them to spare me, they fill my mouth with moths. When people talk about you, they don’t exactly say what they want to say. It hurts me. It just heightens my belief that this world is all such a bastard illusion. Talk anything but me.
I like when people pretend. I pretend too. Its humorous. Sometimes though, it gets serious. I run then. Run away. But it doesn’t leave my head easily. It gives me a high feeling of escape.  And violence too, if you must know.  Once I felt like killing them all. I feel like killing myself too. I get over excited at those times.
I don’t like when people don’t change. Not adapting but evolving. No rearrangement, nothing fresh, no dreams. It sickens me. I don’t stand them when they say, they have no passion to nurture. It can change too, if you must know. Everybody has got something. It’s sad they don’t want to realize and if realize, don’t want to foster the kid. It’s thick.
I like when I smile while writing. It makes me own me. This is the time when I gain rightful right over myself. I like thinking too. Random, rational, dry, sharp, sarcastic, funny, bold, fearful. I think everything.
I don’t like when someone can’t break free. I get equal nervous. I don’t like when I am not able to do anything. I don’t like even more when I don’t do anything.

I like a many things.
I like violins, walking in heavy fog, watching rain drops when they strike earth, studying faces, observing people, counting stars, counting trees, smelling old books, mocking at some particular beings, mocking at myself, silence, silencing, strolling by myself, imagining houses, creating dreams.
I don't like talking.

2 comments:

Blasphemous Aesthete said...

You speak my thoughts, with eloquence.
Wonderful, for me, aesthetic.

Cheers,
Blasphemous Aesthete

Monika said...

It feels contended when identified.