I wish I can bind myself, everyday into a new day. Nevertheless the time’s same, everyday. Just rearrangements. I wish I can buy this time. An awkward wish I know but it’s a wish, a desperate one.
You ask the reasons; I ask the same, from myself. If only I bring the universe to a still and then look inside, maybe I see a reason or two. I don’t care about people, I lie to myself. I so not want to, though. The man there on a wheelchair, the woman with her unborn child- inhumanly violence, the girl compelled to make trades- painful trades, the boy dying in the streets. I so don’t want to care, so don’t want to but I fail.
What if the time ceases? all the laws reverse? all the men pause and look at their brothers, all the men stop camouflaging and seek their children, all the men come around and sing. Is it too out of their control? Can’t I buy time, ever?
The tears I shed on their insensitiveness fall somewhere I don’t know. I want to search the place, if there is anyone like me. Tied up in my abode with my thoughts, I have beginning to feel strange. I can’t explain, nothing of it. I indulge in love, merry making, hallucinations but all I see- my soul restless. No remedy.
I fear that I may lose my trust in myself. I may become one of ‘em. Heartless and callous. I only wish to buy some time before it happens, any of it.